


Don't Eat the Neighbors

by karrenia_rune



Category: Addams Family (1991)
Genre: Fic or Treat Meme, Gen, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Yuletide 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-15
Updated: 2012-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-18 17:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karrenia_rune/pseuds/karrenia_rune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gomez stumbles upon an arcane grimorie that details on how to summon lower-order imps. Succumbing to an overwhelming curiosity; he recites the spell, rather unaware of the possible consequences of doing so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Eat the Neighbors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [calliopes_pen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/calliopes_pen/gifts).



Disclaimer: The Addams Family movie belongs to the WB and its directors and producers. It is not mine.

 

"Don't Eat the Neighbors"

The heavy leather-bound volume quite literally gave of the smell of arcane knowledge, heavy with self-importance and secret waiting to be uncovered. Well, it did as it thudded onto his head and made Gomez convulsively sneeze from all of the dust accumulated on it. The book had fallen off of its ledge when he had activated the lever hidden by a bookshelf that activated access to one of the many secret passages in the rambling old mansion.  
Rubbing his forehead where he could feel but not yet see a lump forming, he figured that there was nothing more he could do about it, and bent over to pick up the book with every intention of putting it back where he had found it. Instead as his fingers came into contact with the book, in that very instant a compelling urge to take it with him, to his office, which had been his original destination, came over him.  
Not one to give overmuch thought to the consequences of his actions, preferring to live in the moment, and with the added incentive; either his own curiosity or something inside spoke to him in a reasonable and soothing voice, he tucked under his arm and took it with him.  
**  
Gomez thumped the book down on his crowded desk where it landed with a thump and a cloud of dust. Gomez sat down and caressed the books edges with his fingertips, and then leaned back in order to better read the gilt-edged characters that formed the title. “Voluminous Summoning Grimorie’ the author of the book was ineligible due to wear and tear over any number of centuries.

He opened the cover and began to idly leave through it, tracing the contours of the arcane runes with his fingertips, before something about a third of the way caught his attention. Gomez was aware, at some level, that he really should not be summoning creatures from the beyond without a t least the presence of Grandma Addams; or at least her guidance in such matters, or a more in-depth training in such arts; but he resolved that he had come this far, what was one little imp after all? What possible harm could it do?

So, without weighing the this and that or the possible consequences, he began to chant the arcane words, sounding out unfamiliar vowel and consonant slowly as he did so.

As the last word was uttered an unmistakable smell of sour wine and sulfur emanated from the book and in a puff of smoke a small wizened creature about the size of a pewter ewer appeared. The creature and Gomez regarded one another for a length of time; as Gomez took note of it’s the imp’s small, grasping hands, snub nose, protruding brow, yellowed but still sharp teeth, and bow-legged stance. 

For the imp’s part, it steadily regarded the human that had summoned it, and seemed to find the mortal quite amusing. “Whatever are your wishes, O Master?” it asked in a sniveling, in grating tone of voice.

Gomez, a bit startled that the summoning spell had actually worked, did not at first, give an immediate response, but steading himself and taking a deep breath, said, “Actually, my dear fellow, let us first make an acquaintance of one another. What is your name?”

“My name, my name, name, name, “ the creature began in a sing-song kind of chant,” as it did a funny little jig-step on top of the cluttered desk, :”Oh, ask me not that, Master, I am merely a humble servant, an instrument of your will, to run and fetch at your beck and call. I have no name, at least not one that would make any sense to you.”  
Gomez snorted. “All very well, but what should I call you, then?”

“Ah, how about, Imp?”

“That is not a name, that is a classification. I think I shall call you Whatchamacallit? How does that sound?”

“Fair enough, but how may I serve you”, it asked.”

“Well, let me see,” replied Gomez, as he sat back in his chair and tugged at the ends of his mustache as he thought over the various possibilities.  
**  
“What have you done, dear?”” Morticia exclaimed, when she the small creature that precariously balanced on her husband’s shoulder.

“This is Whatchamacallit, it is an imp, and it shall assist Thing in his duties.”

“Hmm, and you did not see fit to consult me in this matter?” she asked.

“I must admit, Cara Mia, that it never occurred to me, and for that I do apologize.”

“Well, as long as its house-broken I see nothing wrong with it, just mind, Sir,” she added this time directing her stern gaze at the imp, and adding,” That you mind your manners and do not unduly disturb the household, or you will be sent right back whence you came so fast your head will spin!”

The imp regarded the woman and her stale, pale and dignified face and waving finger as if where the stem of a pale and delicate blossom, nodding in the spring sunshine, and bowed, as well as it could from its perch, “Of course, Mistress, it shall be exactly as you say.”

“See that it is,” she replied.  
***

“Gomez,” cried Grandma Addams,” come here at outside at once!”

“What is it?” He yelled back, dropping his golf clubs in the middle of the living room alongside his bags of balls where they made a furious clatter, and Lurch, who stood by, heaving a sigh that seemed to emerge like a bass rattle in the center of his chest. 

Gomez rushed to the front door where the Addams Family matriarch stood in the threshold of the door which had been left ajar, as she peered into the front entry way of the road that lead up to the mansion proper and seemed to be searching for something, even as he came up to her.

“What is going on?”

“Your imp is causing a ruckus, and I’m having a devil of a time beating off the callers at the front door with a stick,” she replied.

“What? Why?

“It was fine when he seemed to have taken a liking to small, furry and domesticated animals,” replied Grandma Addams, “and no one seemed to mind when a stray cat or dog disappeared without a trace, but…..”

“Oh dear, I was afraid of this, I should have known better.”

“You should have, and while I am not the type to say, I told you so,” well I told you so,” clucked Mommy. “If anyone had asked me, imps are trouble, always have been, always will be.”

“Dear Mother, ah, that is the beauty of hindsight,” sighed Gomez theatrically, it gives you perfect clarity of vision when it is far, far, too late to do anything about it.”

“You should keep a better leash on that creature,” remarked Morticia as she glided up to where they stood. “What has happened now?”

“The imp has decided to sample human flesh,” stated the old woman, And luckily for us, it was just a flesh wound and the little boy suffered no lasting harm.” 

 

The imp in question suddenly appeared, perched atop the lintel of the front door. “Afraid of what?’ I it asked.

“Afraid, that this is my fault,” sighed Gomez.

“I agree wholeheartedly; it is your fault...” replied Whatchamacallit.

“My fault for not being clearer in laying out the ground rules, while you are under my command, Sir.”

“You are not to harm, play pranks, or eat the neighbors or anyone else in this house or the neighborhood, do I make myself perfectly clear!” Gomez remarked, and since this lapse occurred under my watch, it falls to me to dole out the punishment.”

“But,” the imp whined. “You said yourself that it was a lapse on your part, and when such lapses occur it logically follows that misunderstandings will occur.”

“Humph, sounds like the worst sort of self-serving nonsense to me,” sniffed Grandma Addams.

“I agree. I move that it be immediately sent back whence it came, “stated Morticia.

“First you have to catch me, and then you have to find out my name, my true name, and you will never do so!” cried the creature as it leap from the lintel to a hat rack, and from there onto the divan, and continued to leap from one piece of furniture to the next, dodging their attempts to capture with him with cackling glee.

It continued to taunt their efforts when the imp felt a pair of broad strong hands close around its mid-section, a burlap sack close over the length of its wizened and spindly body, and the hands squeeze, until it felt short of breath and it blacked out.

“Good work, Lurch, old bean,” cried Gomez excitedly.

“Yes, well done, indeed,” echoed Morticia.

“Thank you,” replied Lurch, carrying the burlap sack with the imp inside, with both hands, a bit apprehensive that it might not be as unconscious as it seemed, and that it was only play-acting; contemplating further acts of mischief.

“Then let’s get to work,” Morticia stated.  
**  
Lurch untied the string on the burlap sack, gingerly removing the imp and placing it on the desk, trying to uncurl it from its spider-like roll, that done.

Grandma Addams had declared, on their way down to Gomez’s office, that while she was well-versed in summoning spells, since it was Gomez and no other who had summoned the creature in the first place, it fell to him to send it back, and that she would supervise. “But I don’t know its true name.”

The old woman looked in the book and pointed one bony finger at a word in the center of the spell, “Do you see that word, summoning it, you read it forwards, to send it back, you read it backwards.”

“Could it really be that simple?” Morticia asked.

“It’s a minor imp, and a not very powerful one at that. This volume it’s a rudimentary meant for beginners in the arcane art. Can’t think why it’s still on the library shelves. I should have gotten rid of it ages ago.”

“So I just read the spell backwards?” asked Gomez.

 

“That should do the trick,” sniffed the old woman.

Gomez reached for the book and did as she asked, and with breathless anticipation, in a puff of smoke and belch of sulfur the curled and unconscious body of the imp disappeared. 

Morticia sighed. “Well, I for one am relieved that’s over. There will be no more of that nonsense, I trust?”

“None, my dear,” promised Gomez.


End file.
